The Life of an Object
We’ve all learned in our history classes about women’s rights and how women did everything they can to be noticed as hard working females just how the men were. But, were the men really hardworking ? Were they that different from the women they knew or lived with ? What was the need for women’s differences to be seen as something useless ? History told us women eventually got their equal rights and worked just like the men. That’s wrong. It’s wrong because in modern day women are just seen as objects, and when they have something to say, it’s like who cares because apparently their job is to just look pretty. The story of “The Daemon Lover” and “Catcalling Is Not ‘Normal’- and We Cannot Allow It to Be”, support that idea because the authors introduced moments that were personal and where women in general were just being looked at from head to toe like they’re a prize.. Men just continue being anti-feminists, and that bothers me because I come from a family where the women in my family deal with disturbing comments that come out of a mens mouth. We are no different than women, and that should be valued.
Shirley Jackson, author of “The Daemon Lover”, introduced the moment , “She had a quick picture of herself standing in a police station, saying, yes, we are going to be married today, but he didn’t come, and the policemen, three or four of them standing around listening, looking at her, at the print dress, at her too-bright make up, smiling at one another”. She also introduced “ I have more than this, more than you can see; talent perhaps, and humor of a sort…there’s more than you think when you look at me”. Hilliary Margolis, a senior researcher of the Women’s Rights Division, and author of “Catcalling Is Not ‘Normal’- We Cannot Allow It To Be” shared her moment as well. “It happened when I was 17…It was early autumn, so I was wearing a sweater or light jacket-not that it matters, except that women and girls have been taught to believe that what we are wearing does matter, and to dress in response”( Margolis 1). She then introduced “That catcall at age 17, and the ones before and after, turned me into something I did not want and was not ready to be: an object of sexual desire”(2). These moments have a connection to my experience of seeing women get catcalled, and going into complete shock due to the fear. I still experience this and the women I see are the women in my family, which is my sister, my female cousins, and even my girlfriend.
When I was younger, my sister and cousin usually always took me out with them and I wasn’t too young. I was only 12 and I was already aware of some things like what’s around me and what I hear around me. On a Saturday afternoon around midday, I heard from all the way in the living room where my sister and cousin were sitting, “Dieguito you want to come with us to Times square ?”, my sister said. “Yea sure”, I responded. They wanted to go take pictures and so of course they dressed nicely and so did I. We finished getting ready and left the house, and began walking to the L train. It was only a 10 minute walk. We were 3 blocks down the train station when I heard a whistle. “Damn Ma”, one man said in english and spanish standing outside the deli. “Come with me baby”, the same man shouted afterwards, and other sexual comments that I don’t remember because as an impulse my sister grabbed us and began pushing us to walk faster in a different direction where there were more people that can be used as witnesses in case something were to happen. “Oh my God these dudes are so disgusting”, my cousin screamed. “ Michelle relax. We’re by the train already.”, my sister said calmly. “No ! Can we just go back home kathy. I’m not in the mood anymore”, she yelled. We decided to just go back home and order some food. I was annoyed and angry, but there wasn’t anything for me to do because my sister was the oldest and I was the “baby”, which meant she needed to make sure I was mostly safe, yet her and my cousin needed to be protected the most. These men really thought they were going to get some type of attention from my sister and my cousin.
I went back to school later that Monday and remembered that women’s rights was a topic my history teacher was going to talk about. During class she spoke about women pleasing men, serving them, and not going out to work like they do. I raised my hand. “Yes Diego ?”, the teacher asked.“So basically women just had to sit around and look pretty for their husbands right ?”, I responded. “ Yea basically. That is a way to think about it”, she answered back. School ended and as I was walking home I asked myself, “ hmmm…. I wonder since when has this been happening to my sister and cousin ?”. They’re not objects for men to do what they do, and in fact they’re worth more than just makeup and their body. The fact that men do not see that, bothers me more everyday as I live in this sexiest world.
I got home and she asked me if I was doing okay because of what happened on Saturday, and I answered “Why were you so calm on Saturday ? You do realize those men could have done something right ?”. She stood shut and just sighed. “Listen Dieguito, I’m used to this and in the end I’m safe as well as Michelle”, she said in a calm voice. I stood shut and just walked away because it was true and they were safe I guess. These thoughts in my head did not go away. I feared that the moment she goes out alone or with her friends, this will occur once again and she will just ignore it. I guess what I learned in history is not history anymore. Years passed, thinking this issue will get resolved or if any action was going to be taken. I’m a 17 year old and still experiencing this, but now my girlfriend was the target.
We were finally able to hang out after a 6 month quarantine due to a pandemic. We decided to set up a date on a Saturday afternoon in July. It was summer so we dressed accordingly to the weather and how we felt and she wore her shorts with a nice crop top. We went to The World Trade Center to look at the 911 memorial and take some pictures, which was followed by a lunch date. We had to walk by a park to go to the restaurant we wanted, and sitting by the park there were this group of 4 men drinking their life away. As we were approaching, minding our own business, we heard 4 deep voices all at once, “That’s my girlfriend”, *man bites lips*, “oofff baby girl”, followed my a bunch of whistles. The way she was scared was unbelievable. She didn’t know whether to run or stay still like if she was paralyzed. “Babe please can we go home”, she cried in fear. “Hell no, wait !”, I yelled so hard that people began staring at us.
Anger, hatred and violence were the only things on my mind in that moment. I began approaching them and yelled, “ I’m going to break your face right now idiot. Come here and say it again”. She grabbed my arm very tight, that she left a mark and pulled me saying “Diego please it’s not worth it. Let’s just go home please”. I listened and we walked away in another direction checking our backs just in case they were trying to follow us. “Man why did I listen”,I told myself. This was an experience that I wished I never had to deal with and something no other person should have to go through. The fact that I had to listen is the problem because no one else would’ve done anything to stop this. No one cares in this society. I would think about the future and what if I became a dad to a girl ? Is this going to be her life ? My girlfriend is 17. She’s a young girl that just wants to live life without the world’s eyes focused on her like she’s a good looking trophy. Men are just that desperate in this world. As we took the train back home she did not want me to leave her side. She was still in shock. “You should have let me break their face”, I said. She was still silent. “ I will not be calm if you ever go out alone, after what happened today”, I told her. No word until we got to her stop and I waited until she entered her building safely. She calls me to say “I love you and I’ll be fine. I’m safe and that’s what matters”. The same thing my sister said when I was 12. I can’t even tell her to cover up for now because then I’m looked at as the bad guy.
The females in my life and in other people’s life, are worth more than just their appearance and their make up. Women are never taken seriously and that’s why I always hear girls that I know say “you guys” this “you guys” that, yet I’m confused because I didn’t do anything. The reason they say that is because men like the ones I just described mess up a female’s way of living as an individual just like everyone that lives on this earth. If this continues, my future daughter will have to get used to me walking her everywhere.
